Friday, May 23, 2014

Ten Things of Thankful: Hole in My Heart Edition

(I composed this post earlier this week, and saved it for the TToT.)

No one has died, but there is a hole of hurt in my heart right now(Please forgive my vagueness; but a public post is not the place to explain.)  I'm finding myself very impressed with our fearless leader Lizzi, who started the TToT blog hop to help herself get out of a dark place.  I am not in a good spot right now (though I'm doing better than when I originally wrote this), and it would be much easier right now to write something hurtful, but that doesn't fit well with the spirit of this blog, or blog hop, or my own beliefs, so I will look for positives instead.  (And I will did get to a good cry later.  I told John that I hate to cry almost as much as I hate to throw up, but it is such a relief when it is over--except for the post-cry headache and the achy eyes--so I shouldn't fight it so much.)

But, I'll keep a stiff upper lip for now.  Enough of the vague, doom and gloom intro.  There are ten things of thankful to list!


1.  I am thankful for humor.  It is one of my favorite methods of dealing with situations over which I have no control.  I was hugging John when I made the statement about crying and vomiting, and John said he wasn't sure where I was going with my statement.  We both had a laugh as I asked him to please hold out his hands.  (Watch the Studio C clip below for context.)


2.  I'm thankful for John.  Not only did he provide me with a healthy dose of humor, he also took care of the cooking while I've been stewing.

3.  I'm thankful for good friends.  Those who know what is going on have done everything they can to help the situation.  They have offered listening ears, words of encouragement, texts, and phone calls.  I feel loved.

4.  I'm thankful for prayer.  Sometimes prayer is the only thing that can be done, and I feel supported by those who are praying. 

5.  I'm thankful for the atonement of Jesus Christ, which carries me through.  If I think about the situation, I am anxious and worried; if I turn it over to Him, I feel more at peace. 

6.  I'm thankful for Drexel, who has been especially playful lately.  It's hard to be sad when a goofy dog wants to play fetch.  

7.  I'm thankful for the nice, booming thunder and lightening storm we had.  It matched my mood perfectly, and we received much-needed rain.


8.  I'm thankful for sleep, and a comfortable bed.  I'm exhausted, and I think (hope) I will sleep well tonight.  (I did.)

9.  I'm thankful for running.  I still sometimes have to talk myself into getting on the treadmill, but I love the fact that I can comfortably run 6 miles.  I couldn't do that when I was younger!  It's a great stress relief, too.

10.  I'm thankful for you faithful readers who have stuck with this post until the end.  Hopefully next week's will be a more pleasant read. 
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Thanks for Lizzi for organizing this hop, which encourages me to post even when I really don't feel like it. 

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Ten Things of Thankful


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37 comments:

  1. Aww, I am stopping in before taking off a bit this weekend, but just wanted to say I am thinking of you and hoping that you are Ok. Saying extra prayers for you tonight. Hugs :)

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    1. Thank you. I am emotionally and physically exhausted (sleep eluded me again last night), but I know I will be OK eventually. I'm struggling to let go of hurt and forgive, but that is what needs to be done. I feel the support of the prayers, so thanks for that.

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  2. When we've lost our sense of humor...we've lost it.
    I hope you see your way through this dark time Kristi. Every single one of your thankfuls are wonderful and any one of them can only help.
    Hope your weekend is tearless:)

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    1. I don't think the tearless thing will happen, but I will definitely try to laugh, too. Laughter is good.

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  3. Awe....
    Sending you a big ((HUG)) sweet friend!
    I hope things get better for you.
    God is good and things always happen for a reason, and I always believe there is a
    lesson in every heart break..
    my prayers are with you Kristi
    Have a good holiday.
    Xo Marissa

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    1. Yes, I keep telling myself that I don't know yet what good will come from this. God can take the worst things and make something beautiful from them. I need to be calm, be patient, be forgiving, take my pain to Him, and turn the whole thing over to Him. Thanks for the hug and prayers.

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  4. The best way out of this type of situation is to face it head on and go through the pain and grief. By facing it head-on, you have more control than trying to avoid it. Wishing you well on your journey.

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    1. Very wise, no-nonsense advice. Thanks, Nancy.

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  5. Oh Kristi I am so sorry that you had a rough week - sometimes a good cry can help sometimes it can't, sometimes all you need is one positive thing to focus on; you were able to find ten ...all I can say is I wish you well. Keep laughing! :)

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    1. Crying doesn't change the situation, it just releases some of the pent-up emotion. Laughter also is a release, but a much more enjoyable one. :-) Thanks for your well-wishes.

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  6. I don't like to cry in front of people, because I am a hideous crier. But I'd still rather do that than throw up (only done that 3 times in my life). Love the video clip. Loved watching Miss Oregon spiral downward and the punchline at the end with the shot of the judges. I am grateful they were discreet in
    \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
    """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" (sorry, that was from Ruby) the barfing part, unlike in Pitch Perfect.

    That said, I am so sorry you have had such a bad week. I've had a hole in my heart before, too, and it takes time to get over that. I learned something from Beth Moore when I went to see her (ever feel like someone is talking just to you, even when there are tens of thousands of others in the same room?). She basically said to take what's bothering you, tie it up in a box with a pretty bow, and send it up to God. Sounds like you've done just that, and I hope you are mended soon. If there were anything I could do to help you, I would. Oh, wait, I can say a prayer - done!

    Glad you have the amazing John by your side. And the goofball Drexel. And you got RAIN. And that you have the ubiquitous California walls around your backyard (that don't fare well in an earthquake).

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    1. I haven't perfected the delicate cry, either. I think I look more like poor Miss Oregon (and it's even funnier because I grew up in Oregon).

      Your advice is good. I need to just stop trying to retrieve the box and peek inside again! Thanks for the prayer.

      The walls might not fare well in an earthquake, but at least they don't blow over in windstorms. We get high winds all the time. Earthquakes have been freakishly rare since we've lived here, but we do have earthquake insurance that we hope we'll never have to use.

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  7. Hey, Kristi, here's a hug for you.....we of the TTOT community will hold your hand and firmly walk you out of the dark spots. I'm thankful for meeting a fellow Roger like you!

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    1. Thanks, Michelle. Rogers have to stick together, so I will gladly follow you (and the clarks and scotts) out of the dark spots. :-)

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  8. Never before have I heard someone equate crying and vomiting. That made me smile, even while I'm so very sorry that a situation is making you so upset.
    I'm glad your positive nature won out and you were able to write a true thankful post. I'll add my prayers to yours.

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    1. Yeah, leave it to my strange mind to find a connection. :-) I'm sure those around me have been pleased at least that they are only in danger of my tears now, though.

      Most weeks, writing a TToT is a nice exercise. This week it was necessary. I appreciate the prayers--thank you.

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  9. Having gone through a hard and stressful couple of weeks myself I know how draining it is and realize there is so much you cannot say. Just know that this too shall pass. As bad as it is to cry it is a gift to John to trust him enough to see you at your most vulnerable it lets him know that he is your safe harbor.

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    1. Oh, he is my safe harbor; we're definitely in this together.

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  10. Sending you lots of love, good vibes and prayers your way and up there for you and what ever is causing this heartache. You ARE loved, by so many, close and far away. Hold on and this too shall pass. Thinking of you.
    xxx hugs, Bianca

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    1. Thanks, Bianca. I appreciate the love, good vibes, and prayers. :-)

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  11. I like christine havent equated cryiing and vomiting however if I get emotionally upset enough I do start heaving... I am more apt to do that than cry... go figure! Hope all clears and resolves. You always seem like such an anchor of positivity and Im hoping that continues to pull you through. Will pray, meditate on this this week with you in mind... Hoping you can be well and at peace. z~

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    1. My faith will carry me through. I need to be patient while the situation resolves itself--which I think it will--and right now I'm trying to let go of my anger and hurt so I can forgive someone. Thank you for the thoughts and prayers; they really do help.

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  12. Right there with you understanding the rough spell all too well. I offer your prayers for peace and solace and the strength to tackle whatever lies before you.

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    1. Thank you. I definitely know that I am not the only one facing challenges, and many others have much bigger trials than mine. I appreciate those who pray for me, even when they also are struggling, and I feel better when I look outside myself and offer help to others, too.

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  13. I am sorry you are hurting right now. You are doing so many healthy things to handle it--crying, laughing, running, sleeping, looking for thankfuls! I've found that writing out this list is therapeutic when I'm feeling really down. I hope it has been the same for you.

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    1. Oh, it's definitely therapeutic! I'm optimistic by nature, so the TToT isn't usually too challenging, but I really didn't feel like writing at first this week. I'm glad I did. It does help to remember the good things.

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  14. #9… yow, (though I suppose it's good to have relatable goals and performance targets), in that I'm still in the 'lets get to the point where I can complete the course without walking (2 miles)
    #6 knowing dogs as I believe I do, I will say, without reservation, that Drexel's mood was not a coincidence… not only do dogs totally tune into the emotions of the pack, they make the correct decision as to how to act appropriate to the individual… good dog, Drx

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    1. I don't run 6 miles every time--my knees don't allow that, even with glucosamine--but I try to do a long run about once a week. You'll amaze yourself as you stick with it.

      And yes, Drexel is a good dog!

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  15. Oh yuk, Kristi, I'm so sorry you're in this horrid, painful place. That sucks. I hope and pray that the Whatever It Is, is quickly resolved, and that your faith, your family, your friends, and all that love, carries you through and helps you to get back onto an even keel.

    A heroic effort this week, my friend, because you managed a great list, and I'm so glad to hear that the writing of it was helpful to you.

    I don't cry often, not because I don't like to, but just because things which are really wrenching tend to send me into shutdown rather than outpour. But I prefer crying to vomiting. And I know what Dyanne means about the scene in Pitch Perfect. Ew!

    Lots of love to you, Kristi, and I hope that things look up soon. And don't wait to forgive until you FEEL forgive-y; it's a choice, that beast, and it's possible to do so YOU can unhook. Hang the pain and the person on God's hook instead - He has a FAR bigger hook ;)

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    1. Oh, I agree with you about forgiveness. I'm not waiting to forgive until I feel like it; I'm in the midst of the process. And I do find it a process. My brain is usually ahead of my heart in times like this; my heart just needs to keep receiving the message that I don't know where the other person is coming from, the Lord knows the full story, etc. I love this Bible verse: Philippians 4:6-7: ". . .in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Prayer and gratitude lead to peace "which passeth all understanding." I don't have to understand the situation to be at peace. The emotion is still raw, I'm still having sleepless nights, bad dreams, and replaying the scenario, BUT I try to match those thoughts and feelings with faith and trust. I'm feeling an increasing amount of peace each day. (And though I dislike both crying and vomiting, I agree with you--vomiting is worse!)

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    2. *hugs* Today's post (the one after this one) truly is the icing on the cake :)

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  16. Kristi, I am so sorry that you are in the place you are in right now. I don't like to think that you are hurting. I am glad that you decided to make your list and you've done it so well. I, too, will be grateful for John. I'm happy you have him :) I don't like to cry either but sometimes I have to and when it's done, I find I feel lighter. Tired! But lighter.
    Kudos to you for the running. Six miles?!?! Wow!

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  17. I feel your pain. I've been through some tough heartbreaks in my life. However, I do believe the older I get, the easier they are to deal with. I don't think I've developed a hard heart. I've just learned to go with the flow and understand that most people don't think or feel like I do - which isn't always easy for sure.
    A preacher that is well known around here once said in a sermon that we should forgive as Jesus forgave us, but that we don't have to forget. We are human, and we aren't going to forget. So many say "forgive and forget", and it's not that easy.
    I'll say a prayer for you, and thanks for your post.

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  18. Hope you did drift into a peaceful sleep and it gave you strength and comfort.

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  19. Humor and Jesus have gotten me through my 41 years of life!
    Hope things get better. xo

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  20. Please take a moment and know that I am sending you a great big hug. Hugs help -- I am sure John's did and you are so lucky to have him -- and Drexel -- there to try and make you smile again and to understand when you just can't. I hope things get easier.

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  21. Ohhh I'm so glad that you are feeling better right now. I'm really sensitive so seeing people cry or be sad always gets to me! This is truly a wonderful list to be thankful for. I, too, enjoy watching funny things when I'm sad. :)

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Thanks for making this a conversation. I love to hear your comments!